Hot Dish Review

Here is the evidence….from three different sources.

First of all, I grew up five minutes away from McKee Bakery, the biggest employer of (mostly) unskilled labor in the Collegedale/Ooltewah, TN area, and the maker of Little Debbie Snacks. As a child I ate the sugary snacks on occasion although I didn’t really love ‘em. I guess I knew deep down they were evil.

Here’s a little tidbit of trivia for ya from the Richmond Times-Dispatch: “About 70 percent of the nation’s military-age young people cannot enlist in the armed forces because of inadequate education, criminal records or physical problems.”

SEVENTY PERCENT!!

My cousin SW told me this sorry statistic yesterday and I confirmed it just now. And why, you ask, are the youth of this country so pathetic? Well, for one, they are obese lazy motherf*ckers that sit around and eat Twinkies and Cheetos all day. It’s not all their fault, though. The government is allowing manufacturers to get away with feeding us poison in our everyday foods. Chemicals like MSG, and food coloring like red #40 are commonly used.

SW, who has worked at McKee for years, corroborated a story my Dad told me, about the “recycling” of baked goods that, for whatever reason, did not pass inspection.

The story pertains to Oatmeal Creme Pies in particular. My Dad says he used to see other employees throwing rejects into the batter, incorporating the already baked product into the dough. Apparently it is easy to disguise this in the somewhat chunky oatmeal cookie.

He thinks they even recycled the old snacks picked up from store shelves that were approaching stale, replaced by fresh new boxes, but my cousin has not seen this in action. He has, however, witnessed first-hand, boxes of snacks that did not meet specifications being thrown into vats of batter, which is made up primarily of shortening, white flour, and high fructose corn syrup.

Oatmeal Creme Pies are full of emulsifiers like sorbitan monostearate, polysorbate 60, and sodium stearoyl lactylate which are also used in skincare products. WTF? The FDA thinks it’s OK to use these substances in moisturizers and snack cakes. Insane.

Each Oatmeal Creme Pie has 170 calories, 7 grams of fat, 26 grams of carbs with less than 1 gram of fiber. There is literally no nutritional value. If I ate a box of 12 snacks every week for a year and changed nothing else in my diet I would gain 35 lbs!

My Dad also recounted the ingredients of the coating used on any of the products that are “chocolate covered”…..shortening, chocolate flavor, and sugar. No actual chocolate.

Then, coincidentally, BW added in that he was doing a job there once in the bakery’s “lab”. He was curious as to why a bakery would need a lab so he invited one of the ladies to dinner to get more information. They were testing ingredients to discover which were the most addictive. That was in the ’80′s!

Jesus Christ. What a perfect example of big government and “science” working together to profit from making Americans obese, feeding on ignorance. Shame on you Little Debbie. You deserve a big fat Knuckle Sandwich with an Oatmeal Creme Pie for dessert!

Football season always makes me crave ‘em!
Oh yeah, baby. It’s sausage balls…..almost like the ones I loved back in the day, when my diet was mostly beer, popcorn, and Kraft Macaroni & Cheese.

My first experience with sausage balls was at WP’s Mom’s house in Dora, AL during a Thanksgiving visit. She was a master of Southern style cholesterol-laden goodies like pimento cheese, deviled eggs, and sausage balls.

Perfect sausage balls have only three ingredients: pork sausage, shredded cheddar cheese, and Bisquick. You can alter the flavor by choosing either hot or mild sausage, sharp or mild cheddar, and you can alter the texture by adding more or less of the Bisquick. That’s all the tinkering one can do, legally.

Despite the obvious simplicity of this recipe I still found it necessary to call his sister SP every time I made them. It’s a mixture that must be kneaded by hand….a nasty task to be sure. There’s nothing like trying to get raw pork from under your nails! (Here’s a recipe I found online with great photos, including the mixing-by-hand part, although 2 cups sounds like too much Bisquick).

That was twenty years ago. A few years back I was elated to discover Jimmy Dean now sells pre-made sausage balls, in the freezer section of the supermarket. You know I snatched ‘em up, excited to see if they were sorta like the homemade ones. Although smaller in diameter, the flavor was the same. Then they introduced jalapeno flavor….awesome.

Things have certainly changed since my first taste of sausage balls. WP is gone. Now I’m a food writer, not a fashion designer. I’ve traded in the macaroni and cheese for sensible things like fish and salad. I workout five days a week and take vitamins. Recently I found the original flavor made with turkey sausage, lower in fat, so naturally I had to give them a try.

The turkey variety is drier and doesn’t brown quite as nicely as the fattier pork balls. But something was missing other than the fat. They lacked heart.

In fact, they made me a little sad. How I wish I could have the original homemade kind again, back in Dora, AL with WP. Those were the best balls ever.

AWWW, I MISS THE BUNNY! (Sorry for the re-runs…still in Rio!)

First, I have to applaud Smartfood, a division of Fritolay, for making an effort to provide healthier snacks that taste great. Their white cheddar popcorn has been a long-time favorite. And although I doubt that eating it regularly is really smart, it is certainly a better option than, say, fried butter wrapped in bacon and drizzled with maple syrup (yum!).

Anyway, Smartfood has recently introduced Popcorn Clusters. They come in four flavors like Cranberry Almond and Chocolate Cookie Caramel Pecan….sounds healthy, right? At 120 calories per tiny bag, it satisfies that late night craving.

The problem is the packaging. Five 1 oz. bags come in a box that could easily hold 15. Every time I buy it I can just hear the chainsaws cutting down the trees to make the f*#ckin box! Just put ‘em in one of those big shiny bags for God’s sake! Even The Bunny thinks it’s ridiculous. I think Smartfood deserves a big fat high-calorie Knuckle Sandwich for their wasteful practices….served with Baked Lays, of course! (yet another Fritolay brand)