Hot Dish Review

What to do…laugh or cry? LC and I had planned a little beach getaway for his birthday. We were ready to deal with the Labor Day crowds, the heat, the traffic. Yes, we were prepared for just about anything….except a tropical storm.

The cloudy skies and brisk winds were pleasant the first afternoon. We walked across the street from the condo to Sharky’s, a somewhat famous (or infamous) beach bar and restaurant, and ordered margaritas to start off our vacation. Despite LC’s request for no sour mix, it is pretty unlikely that fresh limes were squeezed to make our drinks since they came in enormous plastic souvenir mugs complete with lids and straws. Good for the beach, not so good if you just want a decent drink. It’s hard to put salt around the rim, then put a lid on it…duh.

The majority of the menu was fried, catering to the low-brow crowd that frequents the area. Wings, quesadillas, burgers, fried seafood, fried pickles, onion rings….it would become the standard selection for the next few days. If the weather had been beautiful I’m sure we would have met our annual quota for men with mullets wearing tight denim shorts. But with the storm approaching, the few we saw were forelorn, just trying to hold on to their hats in the 60 mile an hour sustained winds.

Once we made peace with our sub-standard drinks, we ordered an appetizer of crab stuffed oysters, baked with cheese. A trendy salad of field greens, blue cheese, candied walnuts, dried cranberries, grape tomatoes, and a raspberry vinaigrette caught my eye, but it was $14.99, exhorbitantly high for a dish with no protein. So I inquired why it was so expensive. Our belligerent server responded by saying “the manager said so”. Brilliant.

So I ordered it anyway, to share. LC added a chicken quesadilla onto our order….an obvious accompaniment with our margaritas. Soon, the oysters arrived, drowned in melted cheese, with Saltines (in their wrappers) laying on top. Too much cheese. That’s OK, I don’t care much for oysters anyway and the crabmeat stuffing was pretty tasty.

Our salad arrived with grilled chicken. Checking out the menu online, it was clear that the regular price was $9.99, with an extra charge of $5 for chicken. And the kitchen was generous, topping the salad with handfuls of expensive ingredients, which explained the price with more tact than our idiot server. Worth every penny.

The quesadilla came out too, with salsa and jalapenos in to-go containers and a squeeze packet of sour cream…classy. It was surprisingly not greasy, and not surprisingly, lackluster. Chicken, cheese, tortilla, repeat. Is there a spice shortage?

Our subsequent visit for dinner, in the midst of the storm, found us seated at the bar, listening to the cover band’s solid renditions of rock classics from Led Zeppelin to Journey. We decided to get our hands dirty with a half pound of Old Bay steamed shrimp and a full pound of steamed snow crab legs. We couldn’t resist throwing in a basket of onion rings.

Twenty napkins later, we had cracked and peeled our way through the huge plates of shellfish, washing the sweet crab and plump shrimp down with ice cold Corona Lights.

Walking back to the condo was a chore, our bellies full, the wind blasting our faces with sand. Gotta love beach vacations!

15201 Front Beach Road, PCB 850-235-2420

After another day in the sweltering heat at the PGA Championships, LC and I landed at a strip mall in Norcross. It was about 9:30pm and we were tired, hungry and desperate. IHOP loomed ahead. Why not?

Then I saw it. El Torero! One of my favorite old styley Mexican restaurants at Loehmann’s Plaza on Briarcliff Road. I had no idea there were multiple locations. Upon googling it, however, I discovered there are a total of six in the metro Atlanta area and two in Nashville.

When we walked in, I was amused that the decor of the original restaurant was duplicated here, right down to the stuffed marlin on the wall. Slick booths are made of faux wood-grain laminate, matching the light wood paneling. Every dish has their logo on it…classy.

El Torero makes great chips, thin and little greasy, straight out of the fryer. Their cheese dip is a gringo’s dream. We ordered a couple of Corona Lights and unwound for a moment, snacking on their nicely spicy salsa and chips.

Although the steak is not nearly as tender, they do have a taco dish on their menu, the Carne Azada Tacos, topped with onion and cilantro, wrapped in soft corn tortillas, that are reminiscent of the amazing tacos I had in Playa del Carmen. They are listed in the “El Torero Special Orders” section of the menu, not to be confused with the Taco de Carne Asada (yes, it is spelled 2 different ways on the menu) in the “Lunch or Dinner Specials” section. Those are the ones I ordered on this visit. They are topped with lettuce, sour cream, guacamole, and pico de gallo. I did substitute the flour tortillas with corn, of course.

LC ordered a shrimp and chicken fajita quesadilla. El Torero’s quesadillas are offered in the appetizer section and are smaller than the gigantic ones found at Elmyr, for example. Served with shredded lettuce and sour cream, it was loaded with meats and cheese and looked pretty greasy. He didn’t complain….did I mention we were desperate?

My tacos were good but I am always disappointed with the flavorless white corn tortillas. Our order of guacamole on the side was your typical smooth variety, lacking any definitive ingredient other than avocados. Both of our dishes came with guacamole so there was actually a surplus….something that never happens with my guacamole!

If El Torero is one of my favorite Mexican restaurants, why don’t I dine there more often? There is no patio. I crave Mexican food in the heat of Summer, casually sipping margaritas outdoors. So I choose atmosphere over flavor 90% of the time.

6135 Peachtree Parkway, Norcross 770-246-0613

It was Memorial Day and we were all exhausted from days of heat on Lake Lanier, frolicking on floats, racing on wave runners, and eating lots of burgers and hot dogs.

We were all ready to cool off with some margaritas and Mexican, but where? LC’s parents suggested El Porton, their neighborhood favorite.

They had to put two tables together to accomodate our large group, so we were seated in the back that was devoid of the festive decor found in the rest of the space. LC’s Mom is a Spanish teacher and told us that El Porton means “very big door”. Perhaps they imagined their restaurant as a gateway to their homeland, introducing us to Mexican food.

Their menu is a multi-page laminated ordeal, with lots of photos of the food, just in case you forgot what a steak or a taco looks like. We started with their fresh guacamole, made tableside in a molcajete. It is like my recipe, but lacking enough cilantro and jalapenos. As soon as it was placed on our table, it was gone. I may have had two chips.

Having recovered from the heat, I was considering the chicken soup, hoping it was like El Azteca’s great version, full of chicken, avocado and cilantro. LC said the tortillas soup was fantastic, so I ordered it instead. Only difference was that it was topped with crispy strips of tortillas. After a few moments, they were mushy and I had to extricate them from the bowl.

I ordered the carne asada tacos on corn tortillas, still hoping to find that magical carne asada flavor from Playa del Carmen. But alas, the meat was bland and the tortillas devoid of corniness. A sprinkling of cheese and guacamole did little to help.

Fast forward to last week, we returned with a slightly smaller group and were seated in the exact same spot. LC’s parents arrived ahead of us and had already ordered. We started off with their organic margaritas, delivered in a shaker with ice. Not exactly user-friendly, I spilled most of mine on the table.

Me and LC decided to split a shrimp quesadilla, not realizing that the only filling was grilled shrimp and cheese. No onions, no beans, it was pretty unsatisfying. There wasn’t even any lettuce on the plate to liven it up. Luckily I had ordered a small side of guacamole, since, one again, the molcajete was empty by the time we arrived.

LC’s Dad swears by the flank steak. On this visit, TT ordered it. I snagged a bite and it was indeed surprisingly tender and delicious.

Our server gets cudos for running his ass off for our every request. But in general, the food does not impress. This very big door just leads to your standard Texican fare.

4902 Atlanta Highway 678-393-8888

Hola seniors y senioritas! Mexican food is my favorite, with Vietnamese coming in a close second. When authentic, both types of cuisine are spicy and incorporate lots of cilantro! But it’s hard to find the real thang without a drive to Buford Highway.

I love to sit outside in the sweltering heat of Summer, sipping margaritas, dipping corn chips in guacamole and cheese dip, and maybe having a taco or two, authentic or not.

There’s an abundance of tacquerias in town that claim authenticity, like No Mas Cantina, Pure, El Taco, and Zocalo. And there’s our old standby, Nuevo Laredo, that serves fresh and basic Tex-Mex.

And then there’s El Azteca. Now with six locations from Ponce to Dunwoody, you can count on weak margaritas with lots of sour mix and an array of standard Texican offerings, from enchiladas to burritos.

The recent onslaught of competition has made them amp up their game, adding skinny margaritas made without sour mix and freshly made guacamole to their menu. Good idea. The quality of chips varies from location to location….sometimes they are thin and greasy, straight out of the fryer (my favorite), while at other times they are thick and cold as if they came out of a bag.

But it’s cheap. Me, little T, LC, his sister, and her brood of boys met at one of the Alpharetta locations a few days ago, choosing a big table in the middle of the patio. We started with cheese dip with jalapenos to go with the automatic delivery of chips and salsa. This batch of chips was disappointing, but the cheese dip was the perfect consistency and nicely spicy. We washed it down with skinny margaritas on the rocks with salt.

That would be the only spicy dish of the evening. El Azteca serves Mexican for the masses. Wouldn’t want to scorch aunt Sally’s mouth with fiery salsa, would ya?

Our last El Azteca experience at the Roswell Road location was a bad one, having shared a combo fajita platter…a combo of chicken, shrimp, beef, and salt. Lots of salt. So this time, both LC and I changed it up. He ordered a chicken and shrimp quesadilla and I tried the chicken tacquitos appetizer.

The shrimp in his quesadilla were plump, with sufficient cheese to glue the tortilla together, but it lacked spice. It was served with all the goodies on the side. We forgot to request jalapenos but it didn’t stop him from cleaning his plate.

My plate was comprised of three corn tortillas, filled with chicken, rolled up and fried and presented on a bed of shredded iceberg and topped with sour cream, guacamole, and pico de gallo. I asked if they had cheese inside and was told yes, but I couldn’t find any, so I added a bit of the remaining cheese dip. Crispy and not too greasy…..not bad for $4.95.

As for little T, she ordered two beef tacos and deemed them “flavorless”. She lives in Austin so she can take the heat.

I’ve always loved Elmyr, with its quirky atmosphere and somewhat healthy California style Tex-Mex, but my last visit was uncharacteristicly dismal.

Over the years, the quality had been pretty consistent. I always ordered a quesadilla. Never greasy, the huge tortillas were appropriately filled with the ingredients of choice, usually chicken, black beans, onions, and jalapenos. Guacamole on the side was better than average, although lacking enough cilantro. Their salsas were good too, like the exceptionally fresh pico di gallo and kicky green sauce.

LC and I were in the mood to sit on a patio somewhere, despite the blazing heat. Pure? Not again. Tijuana Garage or El Taco? That’s when I thought of Elmyr. He had never been. For me, it was like taking someone to my hometown where I know all the secrets.

We chose a table on the patio, which is screened in and covered….not exactly outdoors. I warned him of Elmyr’s notoriously divey reputation, with tattooed servers and a bar full of regulars drinking PBR. Not the type of place you want to take your Mama, unless your Mama is Blondie from The Clermont.

A couple of Coronas with lime provided a bit of relief in the sweltering heat as LC reviewed the menu. I recommended the quesadillas, momentarily forgetting the disappointing, flacid thing filled with handfuls of raw onion and a smattering of tough chicken that was passed off as a quesadilla a few months back.

Against my better (yet questionable) judgment, I allowed SS to stop by to say hello. He belongs at Elmyr. All the bartenders and servers know him by name. His arms are covered with ink, much more so than back in the day when we lived together in Grant Park. That called for a shot of tequila and another Corona.

Meanwhile, I had ordered the usual and LC tried a quesadilla with BBQ chicken and a slew of fillings like onions, avocado, jalapenos….too many for me to remember. When they came out he was taken aback by the size of the tortillas which are nearly too big for the plate.

Thankfully, my quesadilla was as awesome as they used to be. The chicken was tender, complimented by an appropriate amount of sauteed onions, cheese, and jalapenos. LC loved his selection, raving about it for several days.

I’ve always loved Elmyr, through good times and bad, when I was rich, when I was poor. But I had become disillusioned. Had years of success made Elmyr’s owners and staff complacent? Did they think they could get away with serving me an mediocre quesadilla? I thought I was special.

Then I remembered…..if you love something, you have to give it a chance at redemption. I’m glad I did.

1091 Euclid Avenue 404-588-0250

That’s right, my first visit to Fork & Screen in Buckhead will be my last. This year for Halloween I decided to forego a costume and go to a scary movie, Paranormal Activity 2, with a friend. On the way to the theater we stopped in at Kyma for a couple of appetizers and a martini…a great start.

But the evening soon went awry. When we got to Fork & Screen we went directly to the bar in the lobby and ordered a pitcher of Miller Lite. The barely legal chick behind the bar refused to serve us saying we were intoxicated. Seriously?

I figured it was no big deal, since we were not at all drunk. After finding a comfy table inside the theater we summoned our server and placed a beer order only to be informed that she too could not serve us.

Despite the utter bullshit, we proceeded to order a chicken quesadilla, and chips and queso. I didn’t expect it to be good, but I’m quite certain my cat could do better. Tri-color chips with melted Velveeta were abysmal as was the flacid lukewarm tortilla filled with pre-packaged chicken and a smattering of melted cheese. A side of sour cream and another reportedly made with avocado did little to salvage it, nor did the side of half-ass fries that we didn’t order. There was no hint of spice in the quesadilla or the queso, unless you count salt.

I must have Milkduds at the movies. Thankfully, they did allow me to have those! To top it off, the movie was as dull as the food.

We left Fork & Screen completely sober. But the experience put a bad taste in my mouth in more ways than one.

At the end of a post I often give the address and phone number but I don’t want to inadvertently promote this venue. But I will give them one thing….a big fat Knuckle Sandwich!

An old favorite from back in the day…..
My favorite dive, Elmyr in L5P, has been the scene of many hours of drinking margaritas, eating their awesome quesadillas, and just hanging out. I’ve always felt at home with the punk rock crowd. The walls are covered with murals, graffiti, rock posters and flyers….makes it harder to see the roaches.

I recently met SS there along with his brother TS, in town from SF for the funeral. I like to sit on the covered patio but SS wanted to sit at a table in the bar area. Too hungover for tequila, I ordered a refreshing Corona with lime. Me and SS have had countless quesadillas there. Never greasy, almost healthy, they are crisp on the outside and full of flavor.

SS got his usual, steak with avocado. I was going to get my usual too, chicken, onion, black beans, and jalapenos, with guacamole on the side, but ended up getting shrimp instead of chicken. Something new! Each comes with your choice of three salsas, all of them great; pico de gallo, salsa verde, and regular. The plate is garnished with a lettuce leaf with a huge dollop of sour cream.

So what the fuck happened? Our quesadillas were soggy. There was what seemed like a whole can of black beans in mine. SS said his steak was cut into chunks instead of the usual strips….he didn’t like it. And they were bland, too. Guacamole and salsas were as good as always, adding the only flavor to the mushy things.

Standard Tex-Mex items like soft tacos, nachos, and burritos are also on the menu. Everything is a la carte, no worthless rice and refried beans here!

After eight or so years seems like Elmyr is having some quality control issues. I’ll go back, of course. It’s like visiting an old friend.

By the way, I never get their chips. They suck.

1091 Euclid Avenue 404-588-0250

Under normal circumstances I don’t care for re-runs. Here’s an exception: Saturday at the beach was practically a re-run of Friday, but even more fun! MM and I set up camp as the others gathered beers and supplies. The beach was followed by a brief pool visit, then intoxicated showering.

Seafood was in order and George’s was the place. A brief walk, again in heels, brought us to a quaint yet trendy restaurant in a renovated house. We waited a bit for a table since our group was large and ended up seated on the patio, complete with umbrellas decorated with tiny white lights. Cute.

JS and KS had mentioned their colossal frutta di mare quesadillas the day before, big enough for a meal for two. But for a group of nine, KS thought two would be perfect for appetizers. At $29 each, we could barely polish them off. Drizzled with a spicy aoili and topped with pineapple salsa, each quesadilla was filled with lobster, shrimp, crab, and cheese. Really tasty!

MC and KC, who live in a neighboring town, joined us. They ordered a couple of bottles of Shug pinot noir. ST got a glass of chardonnay and I also opted for white with a semi-sweet reisling.

Entrees were mostly seafood dishes like wild salmon with a cinnamon soy glaze or cioppino, the fish stew of mussels, clams, shrimp and fish in a tomato based broth (that I often find revolting due to my distaste of that combo). MC ordered the seared coconut scallops and gave me a taste. Three ginormous orbs atop a bowl of orzo. Although very nicely done, there were three. It was $27.

I opted for the lemongrass curry shrimp, hoping for 7 or 8 huge prawns since we were on the gulf, but was served about 15 smallish shrimp instead, along with lots of green and red peppers. Disappointing, but the flavor was passable. Again, not a bargain at $24.

Strangely, there were lots of Asian notes to the menu and with my relative expertise on Asian cuisine I should know to stay away from it unless I’m on Buford Highway or at an authentic Asian restaurant. But I rarely listen to my own advice.

Also on offer were lamb chops, spicy Mongol beef tenderloin, Kahlua pork tenderloin for strict carnivores.

Then there was the section of seafood bowls, all of which could be ordered grilled or fried. ST got the fried combo…..shrimp, grouper, and oysters. Served with, what else? Fries. Oh, and don’t forget the fried hushpuppies. The crunch of fried foods is practically irresistable, but it bores me after a bite or two. Batter just masks the flavor. I had an oyster and a fry or two (and maybe a bite of a hushpuppy).

A couple of folks got the grilled grouper bowl. My bite, from KC, totally lacked flavor.

They serve a full lunch menu as well with healthy wraps and spa inspired dishes like the toasted macadamia tofu on a bed of soba noodles which I bet has twice the calories you’d think. Soups, salads, sandwiches, all come in around $13.

No room for sweets, thankfully me and ST had dessert before we left the house!

Portions at George’s are big and so are the price-tags. But the food is solid and certainly worth a visit.