Hot Dish Review

Apple, cherry, pecan, and especially key lime….I simply hate pie. Not tarts, mind you, like Babette’s kickass dried cherry tart. Or the rustic pear tarts I’ve devoured at Top Flr and Miller Union.

No, I’m talking straight-up white trash pie. The kind you might pick up at Publix if you are intoxicated and grew up thinking Red Lobster was fine dining.

Maybe it’s the pedestrian nature of pie that turns me off….the you-gotta-like-it-because-you-are-American expectation that surrounds pie. Yeah, apple pie is all-American and so is Chevrolet but you’re not gonna catch me driving a Cobalt.

Pumpkin or sweet potato pie filling is not so bad. I like the Fall spices like cinnamon and nutmeg. It’s the flaky crust made with lard, filled with fruit in a sugar-laden gloppy goo that makes me gag. Like the cherry pie in the photo above….a fat bomb that weighed almost 3 lbs. I can’t even imagine who would buy this atrocity.

And I just don’t understand the appeal of key lime pie. Makes about as much sense putting sugar on scrambled eggs.

So go ahead and buy that supermarket pie. Have it for dessert after your big, juicy Knuckle Sandwich!