Atlanta restaurant reviews, culinary news, and gluttonous gossip by admitted foodaholic Serina Patrick

Little Debbie Snack Cakes Are Pure Evil

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Here is the evidence….from three different sources.

First of all, I grew up five minutes away from McKee Bakery, the biggest employer of (mostly) unskilled labor in the Collegedale/Ooltewah, TN area, and the maker of Little Debbie Snacks. As a child I ate the sugary snacks on occasion although I didn’t really love ’em. I guess I knew deep down they were evil.

Here’s a little tidbit of trivia for ya from the Richmond Times-Dispatch: “About 70 percent of the nation’s military-age young people cannot enlist in the armed forces because of inadequate education, criminal records or physical problems.”

SEVENTY PERCENT!!

My cousin SW told me this sorry statistic yesterday and I confirmed it just now. And why, you ask, are the youth of this country so pathetic? Well, for one, they are obese lazy motherf*ckers that sit around and eat Twinkies and Cheetos all day. It’s not all their fault, though. The government is allowing manufacturers to get away with feeding us poison in our everyday foods. Chemicals like MSG, and food coloring like red #40 are commonly used.

SW, who has worked at McKee for years, corroborated a story my Dad told me, about the “recycling” of baked goods that, for whatever reason, did not pass inspection.

The story pertains to Oatmeal Creme Pies in particular. My Dad says he used to see other employees throwing rejects into the batter, incorporating the already baked product into the dough. Apparently it is easy to disguise this in the somewhat chunky oatmeal cookie.

He thinks they even recycled the old snacks picked up from store shelves that were approaching stale, replaced by fresh new boxes, but my cousin has not seen this in action. He has, however, witnessed first-hand, boxes of snacks that did not meet specifications being thrown into vats of batter, which is made up primarily of shortening, white flour, and high fructose corn syrup.

Oatmeal Creme Pies are full of emulsifiers like sorbitan monostearate, polysorbate 60, and sodium stearoyl lactylate which are also used in skincare products. WTF? The FDA thinks it’s OK to use these substances in moisturizers and snack cakes. Insane.

Each Oatmeal Creme Pie has 170 calories, 7 grams of fat, 26 grams of carbs with less than 1 gram of fiber. There is literally no nutritional value. If I ate a box of 12 snacks every week for a year and changed nothing else in my diet I would gain 35 lbs!

My Dad also recounted the ingredients of the coating used on any of the products that are “chocolate covered”…..shortening, chocolate flavor, and sugar. No actual chocolate.

Then, coincidentally, BW added in that he was doing a job there once in the bakery’s “lab”. He was curious as to why a bakery would need a lab so he invited one of the ladies to dinner to get more information. They were testing ingredients to discover which were the most addictive. That was in the ’80’s!

Jesus Christ. What a perfect example of big government and “science” working together to profit from making Americans obese, feeding on ignorance. Shame on you Little Debbie. You deserve a big fat Knuckle Sandwich with an Oatmeal Creme Pie for dessert!

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3 Comments

  1. I love the picture of the Bunny with the glowing eyes… like she is enraged at the Evil inherent in the evil snacks.

    Beware anything with “Creme” in it!

  2. I love the picture of the Bunny with the glowing eyes… like she is enraged at the Evil inherent in the evil snacks.

    Beware anything with “Creme” in it!

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