Atlanta restaurant reviews, culinary news, and gluttonous gossip by admitted foodaholic Serina Patrick

A Travesty at The Troll Tavern

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Last weekend, me and LC took his daughter tubing down the Chattahoochee in Helen, where my parents reside part-time. Arriving at lunchtime, I thought it would be fun to go to Troll Tavern which is situated alongside the river so diners can watch the tubers while enjoying their lunch.

I usually order a bratwurst, although they are often super-fatty. I’ve had a good burger there once, but that could have been an anomaly, given the fiasco that we experienced on this visit.

Knowing I would be in a bikini within the hour, I wanted something lighter than wurst. So I ordered a BLT….impossible to screw up, right? Fries came with it but I knew I could count on LC to eat most of them. My Mom ordered the same, while LC got a wrap and the little chick got chicken strips.

Just in case, I verified that the sandwich was served on toasted bread, after all, aren’t BLT’s always on toasted bread? My Mom and I both chose wheat and were assured that it would be toasted.

I sipped on my Warsteiner as we watched the brightly colored tubes going down the river, carrying their entertaining cargo….toothless guys with hairy necks, fat bleach blondes in bikinis, tattooed teens, and even one woman wearing a burka.

When our food came out it was obvious that our BLT’s were on bread that may have slipped into a toaster for two or three seconds. I was actually furious, especially since I had specifically asked that the bread be toasted. A scant amount of bacon didn’t impress. I tried to eat it but I was just too pissed off so I asked our server to bring some dark toasted bread ASAP, nibbling on the institutional-grade fries that had an inexplicable orange hue while I waited.

She was pretty quick to deliver, and it was certainly not her fault, but rather the stupidity of the trolls in the kitchen. For their inability to make even the simplest of sandwiches, they deserve a skimpy, wimpy Knuckle Sandwich….on stale white bread, untoasted of course.

If you would like to experience this type of incompetence for yourself here’s the address:
8590 N. Main Street, Helen, GA 706-878-3117

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